As you look at the pictures of this home and decide you're just interested enough to scroll down and read another chatGPT-generated property description, I want you to pause, look in the mirror, and ask yourself, "Am I a baller?" If the answer is anywhere north of "maybe," then I want you to continue reading. If the answer is "no," then move on because this isn't the house for you. Ballers only. Now that we've established you're a baller and as such have what it takes to handle a bad mamajama like this, you need to continue to do some soul searching and ask yourself how do you feel about: bells, and whistles, and living in a neighborhood so dope even the squirrels wear top hats? Because if you're into all that, then maybe...JUST MAYBE, this is the house for you. But I think we both need to know a little bit more about one another before we start getting too serious. What types of shenanigans do you like to get into while cruisin' around your casa? You dig on entertaining? What about cooking like you're trying to beat Bobby Flay? Are you into that? What about just deep soaking in the tub with a good book and a glass of wine so big that if you ordered it at a restaurant, the server would inform you it's cheaper to just buy the whole bottle? Is that your thing? Because if some or all of these things are your vibe, then this home can accommodate. How so? Maybe it's time for you to start asking the questions. Describe the patio in a word? Okay. "Expansive." Do the same for the kitchen? You've got it. "Gourmet." And again for the master bath? If you say so. "Dope." You want more? Don't worry boo boo. I got you. Sure, you can see the stainless steel appliances in the photos, and you may have even noticed the fridge isn't playing around, but what you might have missed is that this joint has three oven spaces. So when it's Thanksgiving, and your house is the place to host because, as we have already established, this is where the ballers ball, then you can pop the rolls, turkey, and green beans in, all at their own ideal temperatures, without breaking a sweat. And when its movie night and you've got all your dawgs over to watch the latest Fast and Furious iteration and Papa Murphy's is on the menu, feel free to get all three pizzas you ordered in the oven at the same time so your vegetarian friend can eat at the same time as your homie who only eats meat-zza. But Big Papa-D (my nickname from heretofore) I thought you said this hizzy was also a spot for me to pop on some stretchy pants and get to loungin'. Well, my casual comrade, it certainly is that and so much more. Sure, you could take a long dip in the master soaker tub and follow that up with a rinse in the dual-head shower-spa, but isn't that a little obvious? If its me and my Friday night (or any night of the week really, because let's be real, there's about a 90% chance the buyer for this home is retired, and the only reason days of the week even exist any more is for dental appointments) I am posting up on the deck and watching the sun set behind Horse Fly Mountain. Now let's talk about hobbies. Sure, I can't stand it when a listing talks about its proximity to Telluride skiing, or the RAT trails in Ridgway, because every single home in this area has these things as a benefit. Where this chateau differentiates itself is how it won't limit the sheer number of hobbies you can adopt. The Garage was designed to hold 2 crew cab trucks (my 1500 Super Crew fits just fine), a two-door UTV, and two snowmobiles. Of course you can't have two trucks, a pair of snowmobiles, and an awesome UTV if you have two kids like I do, so if you buy this home, promise me you'll live this life. Not enough storage, you say? Well, this is a Cape Cod style home, and no that doesn't mean it smells like crab cakes and gin. That means it has an easily accessed unfinished attic space, perfect for say... hiding newly purchased mountain bike parts and fly fishing rods from your significant other.
